The other day, I received a question so common, I want to talk about it here. From our website’s contact form: “How can u deal with the depression that this illness causes?” I assume this was in reference to my battle with Stage IV metastatic melanoma, which the questioner was battling as well. Yet depression is common with any cancer.
So based on watching other patients and dealing with my own depression during my cancer fight, here is my advice:
1) Give yourself a break.
Many cancer patients, myself included, beat themselves up for feeling down, which only makes them feel worse. But my goodness, cancer causes such high stress levels. When we consider all the elements of battling cancer, we find a perfect storm for depression. There are chain reaction struggles that actually cycle. First the pain; then pain pills; then constipation from the pain pills; then enemas for the constipation; then hemorrhoids from the enemas; then pain from the roids; then back to square one. And chemo is an emotional depth charge – the vomiting; hair falling out; losing too much weight; looking at the ashen, emaciated face in the mirror. No wonder we get depressed! It is natural to feel very sad. If you don’t feel sad when battling cancer, I would say that is a sign of emotional unhealthiness.
2) Find an antidepressant that works for you. 
In general, I am not real big on antidepressant drugs. But since I was taking drugs that suppressed and depressed my entire being to treat the cancer, I decided not to hesitate in taking something chemical to counter this side effect. The drug which worked best for me was ativan, also called lorazepam. Keep searching with your doctor until you find one that works well for you. Not all oncologists routinely probes for cancer related depression. So especially if you are coping well on the outside with your depression, you will probably need to ask for a prescription.
3) Turn to the Lord and open up all your feelings to Him.
I have noticed when reading the patriarch, Job, and the authors of the Psalms, including King David, that they often had symptoms of what we might call clinical depression – sleeplessness; constant tears; wanting to die; total hopelessness. They didn’t bury how they felt, they let it out, and faced the emotions squarely with God. He loves to show Himself in the midst of our pain and struggles. Your tendency might be to turn or drift away from Him in this turmoil, but actively turn towards Him instead, even if you feel angry. He can handle your negative emotions, and He already knows your thoughts anyway. Be sure to ask Him for a response, and then listen – He speaks in many different ways.
4) Talk to people who understand and ask for support.
Find a support group, phone partner or a crisis counselor or call us at Stronghold Ministry (Call toll free – 877-230-7674). Depression can make us feel so isolated and alone, but you will be surprised how effectively others can help lighten your load. Don’t be too proud to ask for help. If someone really encouraged you, don’t hesitate to ask for a repeat connection. If you think someone’s presence would help you, risk letting them know, even if they haven’t had cancer. “Could you come sit with me and talk? I would really enjoy hanging out with you during this time.” Or, ask someone to read to you. Don’t sit and pout that someone you need hasn’t come on their own. ASK FOR HELP.
5) Make sense of your struggle.
To help make sense of your sufferings and get an eternal perspective on their purpose, I strongly recommend a book called, “Streams in the Desert”. This book helped me see God’s higher purposes in our suffering. He is not a masochist in the sky, delighting in our suffering; nor is He ignoring our plight. He is good – all of the time. This book has helped me and many others, so pick up a copy.
