How Do I Handle Letdowns by People During My Cancer Battle?

During a cancer battle when the stakes are so high, many cancer patients have told us that friends, family, and medical professionals have really let them down. These letdowns come in many forms; here is a sample list:

• Misdiagnosis by a doctor – At the start of my cancer battle in 2002, my family doctor said the growing mass under my arm was “just a cyst, because it was too soft to be cancer.” Yet it was metastatic melanoma spreading to 13 different sites in my body, including some major organs! I was given “days to live” by doctors within months of this misdiagnosis.
• Misunderstanding by friends and family – A very common comment is, “Your cancer can’t be too bad, you look so good.”
• Misrepresentation by insurers and health care providers – I discovered after my first year of a Stage IV cancer battle that the major medical insurance I had for 20 years had an annual deductible of $100,000, it was not per illness! I felt the salesperson did not properly represent the substantial risks of the policy, as I was responsible for the first $100,000 of medical costs in that 2nd calendar year!

I’m not suggesting we become doormats, as the scriptures are full of appeals; boundaries; even “godly separations” by faithful people. Yet I have learned the hard way that before I respond to hurts, I need to calm down and forgive.

I also learned that unforgiveness hurts me more than the hurt itself! As the Lord warns, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26. The word, “foothold” is a military term. It is a base of operation in our territory from which an enemy can inflict damage upon us. God wants us to treat others with grace, just as He treats us. (Ephesians 4:31-32). Find out more about His grace here.

How do we forgive? Like David in Psalm 44, we shouldn’t sweep our hurts under the rug.

• Acknowledge the hurts.
• Assess the damages.
• Affirm God’s dislike of the hurts.
• Assign any vengeance to the Lord.
• Ask a blessing on the people who hurt us – sincerely wish them well in your heart! This is Jesus’ major addition to the forgiveness process (Luke 6:27-28).

Find out more about Biblical forgiveness in our online Bible Study on forgiveness here. Help your burden be lighter during your cancer battle, forgive those who let you down!