They say there’s no timetable to grief. The person who loves much grieves much, as grief is the cost of love. Understandably, to hold on to their loved one, grieving people often do not want to “get over” their sadness.
Those who grieve a loved one, or a health crisis (like my Stage IV melanoma battle), or a betrayal, will likely experience pain for the rest of their lives. Yet hopeless grief is unnecessary for the believer, as Paul writes, “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). God is not discouraging grief, it is not a lack of faith! So do not bury grief because of external or internal pressures. Have you allowed yourself to grieve major losses in your life? If you haven’t, I’m guessing your pain often “comes out sideways” in the form of bad decisions.
Part of grieving is getting answers from a God Who cares, even if the answer is: “Just trust Me, I sent My Son to give you eternal life.” Job, David, Jeremiah and Jesus took their pain to God, asking Him brutally honest questions. While on the cross, Jesus posed His famous lament, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Read here for why God didn’t step in). It’s more than OK to struggle through grief, it’s absolutely necessary.
It is more than OK to struggle through grief, it’s absolutely necessary!
If you believe someone is focusing on negatives and that’s why they’re sad, I can definitely relate to your desire to cheer people up. “Positivity” is my #1 strength out of 34 strengths according to the Clifton Strength’s Finder, a helpful tool to understand yourself and others. Yet, my positive friends, sometimes pushing positivity is the worst thing we can do! I’m slowly learning the wisdom of God’s deep ways – to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Even Jesus wept with Lazarus’ sisters just minutes before raising him from the dead (John 11:35)!
So take your broken heart and the broken-hearted to God, processing with Him as Psalms 147:3 makes clear, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Next time we explain how grief can take a toxic turn. Stay tuned.
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